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"Why did you have to shower again?" "Why the inquisition?" he snapped. Human beings, by nature, desire intimacy, but childhood sexual abuse survivors can find this need especially acute.Did you now? "You showered this morning." “The root of this conversation is a craving for intimate familiarity. Petersen said quickly, drawing our attention to him. “My wife wants to watch me sleep and I can’t even give her that,” he snapped. “I wish you wouldn’t take it personally, Gideon. “Do you know how shitty this makes me feel?” he accused. “Are you implying it’s different for me?” Gideon said tightly. For you and Gideon, however, it probably seems particularly important.” And it’s one of the true joys of marriage. I just need us to work toward having that. His eyes, however, were dark blue pools of pain. Looking over my shoulder, I caught his gaze. Sometimes, I wake up and I don’t even open my eyes, I just listen to him breathing. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and I watch him sleep. I straightened away from Gideon, needing them both to understand. “The reasons are varied-the husband snores, the wife steals the covers, et cetera-but they find that sleeping apart is more conducive to marital harmony than sleeping together.” “Many happily married couples sleep separately,” Dr. In the grip of a nightmare, Gideon didn’t see me, he saw Hugh-a man he wanted to tear apart with his bare hands. Gideon had pinned me down viciously, ugly words of pain and fury spilling out in terrible threats of violence. “Yes, of course.” My heartbeat quickened at the memories. “You understand the risk, Eva, but you still want to share a bed with Gideon.” Gideon’s chest expanded on a deep breath. “What constitutes a really bad nightmare? One that you act out physically?” We’ve been sharing a bed, but Gideon wants us to sleep separately and I don’t.” The only thing I’m struggling with is our sleeping arrangements.
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“The penthouse is starting to feel like home.
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“You’ve mentioned everyone but you,” he pointed out. Still, I couldn’t help wanting to protect those in my life who needed it, especially from pain my own actions might cause. Once the thought was out, I had to admit how maternal that sounded. Moving a small bag of stuff over every day makes the change gradual.”
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“But,” I continued, “I don’t want to overwhelm Gideon and I don’t want Cary to feel abandoned. I could tell Gideon liked hearing that when his hand fisted gently-possessively-in my hair. “It’s not fun,” I hedged, “but it’s not really balancing, either. “So you’re attempting to balance the needs of both your husband and your best friend. Then he’d made several wrong moves-like having group sex in our living room one night-that put marks against him.ĭr. That hurt me to hear, but I understood Cary had started out with a clean slate with Gideon. “As a married man yourself, Doctor, you know there are concessions a husband makes to keep the peace. Gideon’s hand lifted from my shoulder and went to my hair, playing with it. “I knew what I was getting into when I married her.” “Do you have any thoughts about that, Gideon?” He falls into bad habits without support.” Petersen scrawled across his tablet screen, taking notes.